Reading from his handy teleprompter, Obie says it's all good. Take it away Hillary...
Some edited thoughts received recently from a good friend and former associate:
It seems that lately my life has been getting more complicated, and I want to thank those of you who are brave enough to still associate with me regardless of what I have become. The following is a recap of my current identity:
- I was born a white male, that makes me a racist.
- I am a fiscal and moral conservative, that makes me a fascist.
- I am heterosexual, thus making me homophobic.
- I am non-union – except for the final dozen years of working life where I was given no known choice, and that makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.
- I am a Christian, that makes me an infidel.
- I am older than 65 and retired, that makes me a useless old man.
- I think and I reason; therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, that makes me a reactionary.
- I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, that makes me a xenophobe.
- I value my safety and that of my family and associates; therefore, I appreciate the police and the legal system, and that makes me a right-wing extremist.
- I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, that makes me anti-socialist.
- I acquired a good education without student loans and no debt at graduation, although going to night school while working full-time takes several years longer, and this makes me some kind of odd underachiever.
- I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland by all citizens, that makes me a militarist.
- I believe in the U.S. Constitution Amendment II and the human right to own and bear Arms, and this makes me a RED-neck (RED = Retired Extremely Dangerous).
Please help me come to terms with this, because I‘m not sure who I am anymore! And the most recent problem – I'm not sure which bathroom I should use.